People idealize the concept of love, despite each of them having different interpretation of what love is. People dream of a society without conflict, yet they can’t even agree on the simplest matters with the ones who they consider their closest. We humans had instigated multiple yet futile attempts to steer our species to a better condition, again, without the presence of any consensual agreement regarding the parameters of such idealized, desired condition.
Weaker individuals on this planet are forced to comply to the standards made by those in power. Disagreement ensues. Those weaklings with their own reasons (if they’re able to reason in the first place), and those rulers with their own desires (might be just as stupid, but the difference in power turns the wheel of fortune in their favor).
When I speak of “people in power” and “the weaklings”, do you think of the global elites and the rest of us? Well, I can’t blame you for your interpretation. It doesn’t negate the concept being presented here. But let’s take a look at smaller, more relatable societal system.
You and the leader of your group.
Look! There were even times when your leader tried to use your emotional vulnerability to exploit you. To get you to establish empathy. Said that it was because he/she desired a family-like relationship or closeness in your group, and to achieve the best for all of involved parties, including you. Yet somehow your gut told you otherwise. You sensed a cunning, manipulative being trying to slit your throat open to then stuff his/her personal agenda and they want you to speak his/her thoughts. You complied, but not due to total agreement, but due to defeat and fear of losing more and more. Both of you ended up despising each other, but the laws of nature (survival of the fittest and natural selection) got the best of you both. You started growing ill feelings towards each other. Both of you arrived at the same conclusion, that each must strengthen ones guards against the other. A relationship based of fear begins.
Did everything stop there? Will people “your league” comfort you more?
No.
Now you turned to your colleagues. The ones you assumed to be in equally disadvantageous (or advantageous) position with respect to the previously described leader of your group. You discussed your ideas, your feelings, your fear towards the leader. Turns out, some of were opposed to your points and leaned towards the leader. Then you were left with those who shared the same thoughts with you. You all agreed to the idea of the people on the other side are faulty in one way or another. But that’s that. Discussion upon discussion occurred, fueled by the love of your own ideas. Oblivious to you, it was also fueled by the feeling of hatred towards your now opponents. All in all, only to discover that these leftovers that were agreeing to you in the beginning started to view you as delusional, negative, and obsessed in the end. Your attempts to spread your ideals backfired. They never understood your feelings totally and they never will. Conflicts dawned upon your niche. You saw them starting to distance themselves from you and from one another. Some of them gave up on everything that you’ve been fighting for, and left.
Then you thought to yourself ,”Hey, I can always resort to my ‘friends’, can’t I?”
And you did. You’ve lost hope towards the previously mentioned group and now you’re desperate to find someone that actually understand you. You contacted friends you assumed to be close(st) to you. You met each of them, told everything. They, under unknown motives, ended up divided again. Some told you to suck it up and not to be a weak ass. This was the response you expect the least of these “friends”. You started to deem them selfish, inconsiderate assholes. You started distancing yourself from them, leaving them wondering why you did so. You tried explaining your feelings to some of them, that you were hurt, and they started feeling uncomfortable and maybe experienced regret. Some stayed, some disappeared due to the thought of them hurting you in the worst possible situation.
Now you’ve got few friends that are currently by your side. A handful at most, consisting of those who came back after the confrontation regarding your feelings and those who you thought understood you from the beginning and never ran away. Then you started explaining things from the beginning, from the events that took place in the physical world down to your thoughts about everything. You were confident this time.
Unbeknownst to you, these remaining “friends” never totally understand the impact of the things you experienced to your mind. Some of them finally got tired of listening to your blah blah. You suddenly felt more hurt than before. You started noticing their attempt to avoid contact with you. You started seeing yourself as a nuisance to them, and other people in general. You’ve reached a point where you got tired chasing after them while desperately wanting them to come back. So you painfully let them go while starting to beat yourself up constantly for dwelling in your state of mind and being unable to escape.
This goes on until the last one decided to not care for you anymore. He/she had reached the point of exhaustion. He/she got tired of you who were constantly blaming others as a projection of your self-loathe. He/she saw no more good in you, and left. Labeled you “gone too far to be saved”.
All of these unfortunate events over that one switch of your feelings that you can’t control completely (or completely can’t control). You ended up having no one else but yourself. But you’ve successfully groomed another you that totally hate the current you along with your past, your “stupid choices” and “weaknesses” prior, your “oversensitiveness” and your lack of ability to “get yourself back on your feet”. Everyone no longer care about you. They left you alone to rot in a place they called “your self-made hell”. They no longer check up on you. They moved on, and left you to deal with yourself.
In this stage, some ended up taking their own lives due to the unbearable self hatred. Some started to redeem themselves, with few of them successfully recover and the rest going up and down the ladder for the rest of their lives. Some grew hatred towards the rest of the world, thinking that the universe owed them something while the universe never even cared about their existence in the first place. In which group do you belong now?
Despite the differences in epilogues, you can now understand that it is impossible for humans to truly understand each other. The word “love” is now just another word in the dictionary. We as intelligent beings are bounded by our hypocrisy. We talked about accepting others while simultaneously leaving someone just because “not clicking with him/her”. We preach about the importance of self love while constantly hating ourselves for not being able to loving ourselves. We found ourselves constantly preaching about the act of caring for others while no longer wanting to even hear the breathing sounds from the ones we despise the most.
We cut contacts from anyone who we deemed not beneficial for us. We are guilty of using others as our disposable pawns, of diminishing someone’s thoughts just because we don’t like him/her, of denying the existence of others, of leaving someone behind tormented without explanations, of giving up on someone.
Now you can conclude that you can rely on no one but yourself. Everyone will disappear in the end. Each fighting for their own ideals. Only you that can fight for your ideals and your own life as well. The illusion of “true friends” no longer comforts you in a sugar-coating manner, in fact it tastes so sweet it makes you get that “yuck” look on your face. Those “friends” will not hesitate to declare war against you in case you become a threat to their lives or ideals.
You are alone in this world. Erase your feelings. Fight. It’s kill or be killed.
